i found this.....
going through all my stuff to pack and move.. i found this thing i started to write.. have yet to finish it. but i surprised myself.. i keep forgetting what i can do.
Inside, it had always felt simple. A gift of clarity rewarded to me from early on. My life a long deep breath. As such, I lived simply. My own little apartment, decorated so that the eye easily slid from one object to the next. The visual equivalentto a drink of ice water. My job was enough. Kept me busy enough. Was not demanding enough. My job was there in my life. However, in spite of all my simplicity, all my calmness, I felt the considerable sensation of lacking in my life. Or rather a seed of something great waiting to burst out of me. It nested itself, this seed, in the back of my brain as I sat in the cafe watching people stomp by. I felt it in my belly when I stood in teh woods letting the roar of silence deafen me.It itched my fingertips when I stuck them in the mud, memorizing the sensation. No matter what I did, I could not get the seed to germinate. So I spend my days simply. Quietly. Until one morning.
I did not wake up feeling all that greatly different. I woke up and all the answers to all of the questions buried deep inside a person were in me. I did not know what they were, but that they were mine. In the dark, I sat up and ran my hands over the warm sheets. I ran my hands over my face massaging it to motivate blood flow and awake. I ran my hands up through my bed tangled hair, using my fingers to comb out it's worst knots.
Edging over the side of my bed, I stumbled out towards my daily routine of getting ready for work. As I raised my head and focused on my form, I saw it- the seed had taken root. At first I thought it was a trick of lights, something odd with the light bulbs, a color variance. But no, the lights were fine. It was my skin. Instead of my normal olive complexion, I was now patchworked with colors. A block of mauve over my eye, mustard yellow swirled with moss green at my chin, colonial blue enveloped my belly. My left arm now lavendar ending in red fingertips. My right arma pale umber brown. All the way down to my toes, as one color left off another took over. When muscles flexed, colors undulated. I should have been horrified, crying, calling 911, calling in sick to work, something. But I was not. I knew that this was what I had been waiting for. The greatness inside me had manifested itself in my technicolor derma. Giddiness bubbled up from my toes, tickled my belly and escaped in the form of giggles from my pumpkin orange lips. Picasso's living painting!! Dancing around, I flipped on all the lights, swirling in front of mirrors. Tearing off pajamas, I reveled in my being.
not done yet with it..
